What Facebook Has to Do with Gender Identity

After many weeks of deliberation, I decided to change my gender identity on Facebook. It should be said that I’m not a fan of Facebook in general and I only joined the website last year after facing the difficulty of being involved in any social groups at university without being member. I prefer anonymity on the internet wherever possible. However, I am a fan of Facebook’s recent addition of fifty gender options that are inclusive of cissexual, non-binary, trans*, questioning, and personally and culturally defined genders. These options allow for both gender expression and biological sex identifiers. I feel that this is a big deal because the Facebook gender list will reach people all over the world, from many different backgrounds, regardless of politics, religion, etc. It is normalising gender variance on a worldwide public forum. As someone who has to explain the concept of non-binary identity on a weekly basis, I am grateful for what Facebook has done and I wanted to support it by taking the time to choose my new gender term. Small changes make big steps.

So, today I took advantage of the ability to share an unconventional aspect of my identity that is very important and closely personal to me with almost all of my peers. I spent a lot of time agonising over choosing between Facebook’s options of ‘non-binary’ and ‘gender nonconforming’. Minor details, but I chose gender nonconforming in the end, mostly because I wanted something slightly more specific, but still open-ended. (How I love queer paradoxes.)

I don't believe in binary gender to begin with. I view gender and sexuality as being measured on a three-dimensional, fluid, unstable model. Personally I don't feel that I relate to the way that our society defines or expresses femininity. I feel uncomfortable being referred to as part of a group of 'girls' or 'ladies' and I don't relate to traditional modes of femininity or the way that females are expected to act in mainstream society. In terms of my personality, I feel more 'male' in certain ways that I act, speak, and express myself than I do 'female', though I'm not sure those terms are necessarily correct in defining behaviour at all anyway. Overall I identify as non-binary. I'm still female - I just want to be able to define what that means myself and I don't want others to presume. Which is why I chose 'gender nonconforming'. My pronouns are still female (she/her/etc.).

It’s taken me years to reach a point where I understand myself on this level. It might seem trivial to everyone and a lot of people I know think that gender identity doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of the world. But it matters to me because I don’t feel accepted when I’m referred to as ‘one of the girlies’. Because when you synonymise me with the ‘bunch of women’ in your life, I feel physically uncomfortable. Because if you expect me to naturally behave in the way that women do, which is separate from the way that men do, you will be wrong. I am female and I am a woman, maybe even still a girl, but that probably means something different to me than it does to you. And that’s okay, that’s what’s wonderful about the society that I live in right now. I’m allowed to be unique and express myself honestly, which is a privilege that many people in other places don’t have. I encourage everyone to ask as many questions as you can about how someone you know identifies, whether it’s about gender, sexuality, ethnicity, politics, religion, or something else entirely. It’s time to start asking.